I think about you from time to time.
But then I really, deeply think and I say to myself “if you really cared, you would have made the effort to stay in my life.” Everything happens for a reason. Friends or not, I guess you made it very clear that the answer is not. But you know what, that’s fine with me. I’m not going to lie and say I’m okay with it but you know, I’ll handle it. I’ll get over it and move forward because if you think I’m not worth it then sorry to break it to you, but you aren’t either.
1 year ago
78 notes
Sigh I really miss going out whenever I wanted, & coming home during the wee hours of the night
Totally took that privilege for granted. This makes me want to start drivers ed even sooner. Mmm freedom will be mine again
On the bright side, I will be getting my phone back soon. The mother said I should speak to my dad about it, considering It’s almost my birthday and all, I have every reason to have my phone privileges back, right? Mommy dearest is in the midst of planning my sixteenth birthday, and is apparently going all out? I don’t even know the details for my own birthday party lol. But to be honest, just spending the whole day with him again will suffice. I don’t need any special treatment, and my mom showering me with gifts won’t fill in the void of his presence. It’s like she’s trying to bribe me with anything I ask for and in return I stop talking to him -_____- Soon enough, I’ll be able to leave this house and rebuild my social life back.
I’m just so stressed out. The past couple of months have just been full of drama, and I’m sick of it. And on top of that, my only class I’m failing is honors bio. Like wtheck, I have no clue what has been going on in that class throughout the duration of my Sophomore year. I just want summer to come, and then the upcoming school year will be lovely.
I know I’ve been saying this for the 974594310 time, but I’m going to start working out again, because summer is just around the corner….that is, once I’m off my period -.-
I’m beginning to think that tumblr is just a place for indirect posts
I wish he wasn’t sleeping right now so I could vent to him :( It was nice spending time with him for a bit in what seems like forever. It just makes me miss him even more. There are so many things I want to say on here, but I know I’ll just get shit for it. New tumblr? I think yes. I just want to take a really big sleeping pill and drown in my unconsciousness. I can’t wait until I attend EDCC, all of the school work will just distract me, and hopefully by then I get to drive. Oh and seeing him everyday is just a bonus :) And next year she’ll be gone, thank god. I can’t wait until the day she moves out. Still in the process of speaking to my school counselor about everything, finally taking the initiative even if my parents don’t.
I hope by summer time, everything is just really chill, and I just want to make up for all the lost times with gay boy. Just waiting for everything to unfold
Everything happens for a reason, right? I’m beginning to think it was a good thing that everyone who left, did. For the longest time I wished things could go back to the way they were, but now I don’t even care anymore. It’s only Sophomore year, things will get better
I’m so fucking done
That feeling when you’re so angry that you end up tearing up? Yeah, I’m so fucking fed up with this whole situation. I don’t know why I’m still dwelling over this subject. It’s really funny, pointing the finger at me when you were guilty of the same mistakes.
gkjfislygowsyroaueowe UGH, I want to punch something.
I don’t care anymore.
Nothing hurts more than being disappointed by the single person you thought would never hurt you.
(Source: loveecatt)
@nakinom
I totally understand that everyone wanted to guard me from the same mistakes that they have made in the past. I didn’t go in and have every intention on doing these things. & Yes, I do admit I did choose to do some really dumb things, I know that. But the fact that they all have done the same exact things, I would have expected them to be more understanding of the situation. It’s still hard to absorb this transition of having these people in your daily lives to not even speaking to them anymore.
Thrown Out of Proportion
I’m one hard headed, incredibly blunt, heartless brat. I know I am. These are a few of the many qualities that contribute to the person I am. I easily don’t give two flying fucks about a lot of things. Well, because a lot of things don’t matter to me. Call me every single word under the sun, and I’m not fazed by it at all. But when it comes from people who I truly care about, it really cuts deep. I am fully aware I make mistakes, and choose to make ridiculously stupid decisions. But what person doesn’t? I feel like I’m on this damn pedestal, and every little thing I do, I get ten times as much shit than the next person does. I’m growing up. I’m going to do incredibly stupid things, and I’m guilty for doing the same thing twice — I’m only human. I know all of the shit I pulled was the last thing anyone would have expected from me, but to say things like I “ruined my life” is a bit far fetched. C’mon, don’t tell me you haven’t done these things at my age too.
To you; If someone came to me with their ongoing rants, and didn’t give a shit about anything I had to say, well hell, I’d probably feel unappreciated and irritated as much as you were. You were right, wanting to be in a relationship so badly caused me to be so oblivious to everything else that mattered to me. You had every reason to stop talking to me, because everything you had to say obviously just went in one ear, and out of the other. I know I should have done something to prevent our relationship from falling apart, and even though It seemed like I didn’t care whether or not you were in my life, It was hard not hearing from you everyday like I used to. And no one could ever fill in that void. Aside from completely ignoring everything you had to say and doing nothing to keep our relationship from rotting, I never once disrespected you to any degree further than that. The things you’ve said really tore more to shreds, and to say things about my relationship which you weren’t even there to witness yourself was the last thing I’d ever expect from you. I just really miss you, that is all.
And you, Um okay, I really have no idea why you decided to stop talking to me? And it was only recently that I noticed that you completely decided to block me out of your life. I kind of feel guilty for not caring if you did or not, considering I hardly acknowledged your lack of presence. If you want to walk out of my life without giving me any reason whatsoever, then walk. I don’t see why I should feel any remorse cos of that.
Then there’s you; There are days where I miss you to no end. But I can’t help but feel so aggravated with you as well. Okay dude, YOU stopped talking to ME. And when I DID try to make an effort to remain in your life, you didn’t even do shit to reciprocate that. If I didn’t want to make you a priority, trust me, I wouldn’t have done anything to try to make you even acknowledge me. UGH you make me so angry. Don’t you dare tell me I didn’t try, because I did. If you no longer gave a fuck, then why should I? I was always there for you, I did everything in my power to make you happy on the days where you felt like you had nothing going for you, I was one of the few people who knew you inside and out. I gave you no reason to disrespect me like you did. I fucking miss you, if that even matters to you now.
Next is you, I really appreciate you sticking through all of my bullshit. Throughout all of these years of knowing each other, I’m glad we actually got to talk on a deeper level this year. Even though we were never close, you give me peace of mind knowing I always have someone to talk to about my problems. It really means a lot that you put up with me, even when my family, and the people who meant the most to me didn’t. Thank you :’)
No, I don’t think I’m a bad person at all. I just have a lot of learning left to do, and even after everything that’s happened, it still didn’t break me. Yes, I’m growing up, but I’m still the same girl as I was before. It’s just heartbreaking that everyone who meant the most to me, and claimed to always be there for me, are nowhere to be found the second I screwed up.
Sigh that felt good to let out. I’m probably going to get more crap for this..
Blame it on the a a a a a alcohol
So lets rewind back to two-ish months ago when that one incident happened. Of course the first night I decided to play beer pong, I get caught. Not to mention I absolutely hate the taste of alcohol in general, but beer takes the cake. I wasn’t drunk, but my reasoning for drinking in the first place was completely —- incredibly stupid, for lack of a better word.
But let’s not forget, the first time I decided to drink was around people I knew that could take care of me if anything happened. Hell, my freaking cousin and close friend gave me the alcohol in the first place, so I wasn’t drinking out of pure carelessness. The second time I decided to drink, my sister was fully aware I was going to, and I had her absolute permission. And the infamous third time, was with my god damn best friend, and it was at a get together with good company who I knew had my back. I’m not saying these reasons justifies me in any way that I should drink, but I’d just like to point out that things could have been way worse.
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